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Am I My Sisters Keeper

March 3, 2011

Awe the Joy of Christmas with all its trimmings and trapping!!The cost of a pot 35.oo the cost of a set of pots 300.00 and the list goes on and on.My mother would turn over her sacred grave to see the waste of the dollar today!But she would LOVE Beacon House! Mommy comes into my mind at Christmas I light a candle and and say a prayer for her and my dad about three days before the celebration day on the 25th of December.In some parts of the world it does not mean anything but to those of us who grew up here in Nova Scotia it is a Christian time of renewal to our faith in Christ the child from Bethlehem.Its a time of sacred restoration and relaxation with family and friends.Its a time of giving and receiving.I’ve learned that receiving is a hug thing for some women.We dont do it in this society as well as others may. We give to ourselves but to have someone give to us, is a lesson we have had to practise from childhood on.I’ve tried to show my daughters this and so when we give and receive in moderation we have enough for all.Moderation seems to be the key to a happy lifestyle.Yet if you have no role models who teaches you this?

Christmas is a time to move into resourcefulness for me.I shop for a lot of people.I have a family friends and support group I belong to, then the folks I work with part time too.Beacon House is my best buy fair at Christmas time.brand names and brand new sometimes.This was no different than most except on thing happened that has never happened before.

Its  a bright day and we are on time,may youngest daughter ad myself.We are just about ready to go and Im standing at the thoroughfare between all the bins and he two rooms there is a T at this juncture.Im standing there look way across the room at  the shoes and I see straight into a hand stuffing clothes very fast into a bag!!!I blink! I breathe! I look ! I look away.Im having a normal reaction to an abnormal experience!Denial!Im feeling pissed off! How dare they! Indignant followed fear.How dare they put us all in jeopardy like this place is so precious to some what if it had to close because of !!! and my mind ran ran ran and then settled on God bless her, some naivety set in then.I kept and eye for the director I knew her at the time.She was not around I was going to take her aside for a short quiet chat. What if she cannot pay for anything Ive been there.Maybe she is ……

As my daughter worked me to the cash,I see now these two women very harshly dressed.Long hair very stagely dressed , maybe like a hooker would dress.Fleshy lets say!They have two large purses, and a shopping cart.They are standing about three people ahead of me at the cash.They have the bag on the shoulder full of clothes then they have the cart full of toys and other goods.Man, I thought they are good at what they do they are not here to just shop.They came here with a plan.I feel one looking at me and I feel for sure she knows I know !!!!Im still looking out for the Director.

The woman behind e and I start up a conversation I tell her what I juts saw she is disgusted and yet does not say anything to the girls on the cash either.I never stop to ask why Im not!?? Im so enthralled by it all.They women at the cash have a very difficult time getting all the goods in a bag and juts serving them it is a Labor of LOVE you can see the negligibility and the chaos of these four women’s energy not playing out well together.

For some reason I cannot take my eyes off this one who I saw take the clothes.I watch I stay in prayerful thoughts.I can pray on a dime.Then it happens she looks at me then at the friend then into the thin air and I see the sickness in her eyes,I see the fear the out of her mind look of addiction, the fear has become the thrill of denial.I see this sick human being who needs help.One who needs to talk to a healer a counsellor and one who does not know Christ.I was shown this .They left shortly after this moment of clarity.I still pray for her and that she is given in life all her needs.God meets all our needs when they arise.We have moments of clarity and we can make wiser choices.

I know this I am a recovery bug now for 24 years in Alcoholics Anonymous.I have been a drug and alcoholic Counsellor for 18 years and I have seen first hand that look of being caught in the grip!! I call it that because you travel so fast in our lost mind that, YOUR EGO BELIEVES IT IS RIGHT!and you crave a drink or a drug so bad.You want one thing MORE! Today its clothes tonight it may be a man……..

Im standing there and I bow my head to pray because for now its all anyone can do for her.The girls here today three days before Christmas dont need the pain, the director is not here, the system is so over booked with people just like this woman they  have no answers for her. But I do know God does.I pray she find her way to a support meeting somewhere.Maybe she is an Adult child of an abusive drunken father and this is her way to control her world.She has not hurt me she has hurt hurt and hurt for a long time.Is jail the answer NO!

Love is the answer yesterday today and forever more.God Bless  us all, so at Christmas this year can you say a prayer for all women of the world everywhere who are still in pain.



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