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Am I My Sisters Keeper

Awe the Joy of Christmas with all its trimmings and trapping!!The cost of a pot 35.oo the cost of a set of pots 300.00 and the list goes on and on.My mother would turn over her sacred grave to see the waste of the dollar today!But she would LOVE Beacon House! Mommy comes into my mind at Christmas I light a candle and and say a prayer for her and my dad about three days before the celebration day on the 25th of December.In some parts of the world it does not mean anything but to those of us who grew up here in Nova Scotia it is a Christian time of renewal to our faith in Christ the child from Bethlehem.Its a time of sacred restoration and relaxation with family and friends.Its a time of giving and receiving.I’ve learned that receiving is a hug thing for some women.We dont do it in this society as well as others may. We give to ourselves but to have someone give to us, is a lesson we have had to practise from childhood on.I’ve tried to show my daughters this and so when we give and receive in moderation we have enough for all.Moderation seems to be the key to a happy lifestyle.Yet if you have no role models who teaches you this?

Christmas is a time to move into resourcefulness for me.I shop for a lot of people.I have a family friends and support group I belong to, then the folks I work with part time too.Beacon House is my best buy fair at Christmas time.brand names and brand new sometimes.This was no different than most except on thing happened that has never happened before.

Its  a bright day and we are on time,may youngest daughter ad myself.We are just about ready to go and Im standing at the thoroughfare between all the bins and he two rooms there is a T at this juncture.Im standing there look way across the room at  the shoes and I see straight into a hand stuffing clothes very fast into a bag!!!I blink! I breathe! I look ! I look away.Im having a normal reaction to an abnormal experience!Denial!Im feeling pissed off! How dare they! Indignant followed fear.How dare they put us all in jeopardy like this place is so precious to some what if it had to close because of !!! and my mind ran ran ran and then settled on God bless her, some naivety set in then.I kept and eye for the director I knew her at the time.She was not around I was going to take her aside for a short quiet chat. What if she cannot pay for anything Ive been there.Maybe she is ……

As my daughter worked me to the cash,I see now these two women very harshly dressed.Long hair very stagely dressed , maybe like a hooker would dress.Fleshy lets say!They have two large purses, and a shopping cart.They are standing about three people ahead of me at the cash.They have the bag on the shoulder full of clothes then they have the cart full of toys and other goods.Man, I thought they are good at what they do they are not here to just shop.They came here with a plan.I feel one looking at me and I feel for sure she knows I know !!!!Im still looking out for the Director.

The woman behind e and I start up a conversation I tell her what I juts saw she is disgusted and yet does not say anything to the girls on the cash either.I never stop to ask why Im not!?? Im so enthralled by it all.They women at the cash have a very difficult time getting all the goods in a bag and juts serving them it is a Labor of LOVE you can see the negligibility and the chaos of these four women’s energy not playing out well together.

For some reason I cannot take my eyes off this one who I saw take the clothes.I watch I stay in prayerful thoughts.I can pray on a dime.Then it happens she looks at me then at the friend then into the thin air and I see the sickness in her eyes,I see the fear the out of her mind look of addiction, the fear has become the thrill of denial.I see this sick human being who needs help.One who needs to talk to a healer a counsellor and one who does not know Christ.I was shown this .They left shortly after this moment of clarity.I still pray for her and that she is given in life all her needs.God meets all our needs when they arise.We have moments of clarity and we can make wiser choices.

I know this I am a recovery bug now for 24 years in Alcoholics Anonymous.I have been a drug and alcoholic Counsellor for 18 years and I have seen first hand that look of being caught in the grip!! I call it that because you travel so fast in our lost mind that, YOUR EGO BELIEVES IT IS RIGHT!and you crave a drink or a drug so bad.You want one thing MORE! Today its clothes tonight it may be a man……..

Im standing there and I bow my head to pray because for now its all anyone can do for her.The girls here today three days before Christmas dont need the pain, the director is not here, the system is so over booked with people just like this woman they  have no answers for her. But I do know God does.I pray she find her way to a support meeting somewhere.Maybe she is an Adult child of an abusive drunken father and this is her way to control her world.She has not hurt me she has hurt hurt and hurt for a long time.Is jail the answer NO!

Love is the answer yesterday today and forever more.God Bless  us all, so at Christmas this year can you say a prayer for all women of the world everywhere who are still in pain.



Best Friends

My best friend and me have been together since we walked out of a bar one night and both of us were hiding forks in our purses!!!!HA!!! I also had a salt shaker in there!!!She has been my guide over the years to not stealing and has been one of the most inspiring women in my life.We have lived together, had our babies together lost touch been and lived in other countries but we always find our way back to each other.

I tried for years to get her to come to Beacon House.She will go and buy at  Frenchy’s now.that took some conviciiiiiiing!!let me tell you!!She is a hard worker and very proud of her self and her life and her family.Nothing wrong with that.They are a terrific self sustaining family. Close and very Spiritual I always say if it wasn’t for her family Id be dead or naked.When I needed boots at Christmas she came through for me.

Finally we get to Beacon House one crisp winter day.The place was quiet and so we shopped around , then we spied a set of China out of the corner of our eyes.”I do need a set, mine are getting old and faded”.She said.Here before our very eyes were plates,dessert plates,cups saucers,tea pot,soup urn,all very top quality German China.It dosen’t get any better!

I felt the thank you God swelling into my chest!!!Yes!!!I pray for material stuff I pray for all things and give thank you to Great Spirit for all things. Thank you to Mother Earth for all things.Its the way I practise you can have your own.Mine works miracles.”They knew we were coming”, I said.We chuckled.She was very impressed and so was I.It took me years to get her in the door and here was this great gift.A full set of white and rose gold trimmed,Quality German China for 40 bucks!It does not get any better than that in the trade business.I set my purchase that she was buying for me, behind the counter with the cash ladies,I knew we would be back for the dishes .We went down back for a few minutes.

I wondered what is going through her head! They do not cost to much,was she saving up for something!I’ve learned not to question to much.

My friend said “well I’ll take a few minutes with you at the back in the bins then if they are still there Ill buy them.She asked me if they took debut and then was somewhat disinterested at the answer.

We had fun carrying on about it all.We were jut getting ready to go to the front when she met up with one of her hair clients, who was a volunteer.Did you see the set of dishes at the front she said we are on our way up to buy them”. “No the client replied they are gone!!!”


A Beacon House Tale

Faith is a bridge shinning like a “Becon” in the darkness, your guiding light of trust and faith bring us home so all can find sustenance.We are a prefect reflection of your innocence, though our mistakes take many forms your love is changeless,enduring and eternal.Like a Becon House on the shores of desperation we search for a way to tear away the veil of our ignorance.In our commitment to you Holy Mother we commit to our own enlightment,forgiveness and wisdom.

Its One thirty on a cold dank winter,Monday afternoon.I’m standing with a volunteer in Becon House making a jest at the fact Ive left my baggs in a cart out side the door in the cold to just browse while Im waiting for my daughter who is on her way to pick me up.An hour and one half ago a dear friend dropped me off.The volunteer on the cash made a comment “you better keep a eye on your bag we have thing disappear around here sometimes”.We smiled and then I thought; can you imagine stealing from a Charity House!

Later on I remembered over the past Christmas I was standing at the back register and saw just that!!I was shocked and did not know what to do and it was Christmas.

That sparked this whole idea and so we’ll trust the Universe and just see where it leads, in good faith and unattached to outcomes.One my way out the door”Im going to blog about Becon House stories” I said.She and her co-workers chuckled at the thought.

These are not stories about Becon House they are merely my experiences as a person in need there.They are not meant to be a reflection or an advertisement on their behalf  nor to deter one from Becon House.They tales and are told in my own style of story telling.So lets get started.

I look out on a yellow building, looks like another warehouse you would see in any town.Long and wide enough for three 18 wheelers to be stored inside.

Im a person with a disability( that’s another story) so Ive seen a few.Today Ima retired Social Worker.Our family went through some hard times and so I have been to many charities over the years;yet for the first time I felt respect here.I felt these folk really want to be here; they were talking and laughing with each other and working away.So I came back.

Now its three years later and ive seen and gone throught some very sad yet strengthening tales.Some very funny ones.So lets get right to it then !

I was on one side of the bin she was on the other.A red head women was pulling for the same peice of cloth as was I. We smiled then began to speak.She was a nurse on her way home from work and was side swipped by a car at three in the morning. She had, had four operations and was now out, still three years later, on disability.She was looking for clothes for her self and her daughter.

“I come here about twice a month, and almost everything I buy is a brand name”,ha ha ha.We joked and made light of the situation together.I was made to feel its ok to be here and so was she.We give what we have when we can where we can.Water finds its own level and darkness cannot hide here, all are made to feel its ok to be here for awhile.That’s the miracle of living that takes place here.Someone today bought me a sweater its not brand new but plenty of wear in it yet.Waste not want not.With wisdom and in moderation we all have enough, there is aplenty for all.These are a few thoughts Ive had on that day she and I had our five minute chat.

Some call these clothes sad because they may have come from a death or the passing of a loved one.I know people who do not want to go there for this reason.I call them Holy clothes.If I was in heaven and could look over at you wearing a blouse I loved so much and it was only a few months old I d be so happy to know you have it on for all to see and to be warm in and to look pretty for the day.So they are Holy clothes for me you can have your own opinion.Some people think its embarrassing to go there, for the charity of it all.I say Christ is right there with us, smiling at us silly ones looking for more than what we deserve.It takes more courage to ask for help than to go cold or hungry like a fool when we live in a community where it would all be thrown out into the garbage anyway.These women really do believe “in God all things are possible”.We can feed the multitudes.

I met a man the other day who told me as he was packing the meat in on of the local grocery stores it takes all he can muster to stay there and work and if he could find work elsewhere he would be gone! “You would be shocked if you saw the waste that goes out the back to the garbage each night from the high cost of it all.It just sits in the stores and gets thrown out.SAD! Unlike this story I was able to say to him ,”you should see the happy people at Becon House coming in and out.people love to work there.Its cherry and hopeful”.

Im glad I was able to make eye contact with the red-headed nurse who was ill.Im glad the girls were there to serve us, Im so thankful for the principles of care and unconditional Love our Lord taught and that my mom was part of that tradition and now I can see it when it is right under my nose because she taught it to me.Im so glad I feel part of my community and have so much to offer from many intentions and motives of interaction.People who claim shame are shameful.God Bless us all.

So Ill close for today with a poem.

have you a little brook in your heart

where bashful flowers blow

and blushing birds go there to drink

and shadows tremble so?           Emily Dickenson


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